How to support people when you don't know what to say

February 12, 2019 Anya Surnitsky

Having a support system when experiencing mental health symptoms is directly related to recovery; there are numerous research studies to support this.

However, many clients with whom I work do not have adequate supports, and as a result, end up feeling extremely alone and isolated. Like they are the only ones experiencing the difficulty getting up and moving in the morning, random bouts of anxiety during the day that seem to come out of nowhere, the insomnia when all that’s needed is sleep… and the list goes on.

While awareness about mental health is increasing, there is still a stigma for individuals to be honest with friends and family about their true struggles. People fear being dismissed, minimized, judged, or even ignored.

The biggest mistake perfectionists make in their relationships

November 9, 2018 Anya Surnitsky

Here's the pattern: I see many perfectionists; people who work hard, give a lot to others, and don't ask for a lot in return. They may not self identify as a perfectionist, but there is fear of failure or disappointing others under the surface which looks like perfectionism from above. When they get to my office, they are weary and worn out. They cannot understand why they don't get anything back from the people to whom they're giving. So they continue to give, do, be, and turn themselves inside out to try to get something back.

PART ii: Examining How to Ask for What We Need

September 6, 2017 Anya Surnitsky

Part I was about WHY it’s so hard to ask others for what we need. When we examine this question, the first one that may arise is: how do I know what my needs are? I’ve been ignoring them for so long, I’m not sure I even know what to ask for.

First, acknowledge that it’s ok to have needs. When you deny your own needs for so long, starting to acknowledge them can bring up guilt, doubt, and issues of deserving. Permission slips are good to use for this purpose. Give yourself permission to acknowledge and pursue your needs. Why? Permission slips give us the green light and make it easier to "break" the societal/cultural/familial ruleswe feel like we're breaking if we pursue unmet needs.

6 Top Secret Tricks the Happiest Couples Already Know

April 21, 2017 Anya Surnitsky

You’re wondering if this is another gimmick… can couples actually achieve happiness? When you’re unhappy with your relationship, it may seem like happy couples are in your face, walking hand-in-hand everywhere you go. You may roll your eyes covertly (or even overtly) and think to yourself, “I wonder how long it will be before the honeymoon ends.” Cynicism about relationships can grow like a cancer, fed by resentment and avoidance. Ok… So how do the happy couples sustain it?

As with most things in life, marital satisfaction/happiness is a practice that we need to work on every day individually and as a couple. So yes, it’s totally possible with an open and accepting perspective. Here are some secrets that the happiest couples know (and practice) to earn their title.

Continue reading here.

How Communicating More Drives us Further Apart

March 12, 2017 Anya Surnitsky

Admit it- you sometimes analyze the hell out a text message exchange with your partner, the person you’re dating, or a friend. What does that even mean? Why did she say it that way? We react at lightning speed and defend something that wasn’t intended to be offensive.